i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night