Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
