haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
