I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
