she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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