I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
