I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
