my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
