I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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