When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize