Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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