I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
