I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
