I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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