Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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