I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
