why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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