Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
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She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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