Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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