Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Operation Purity has been aborted
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
