Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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