just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
