and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
