yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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