Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
