i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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