He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.