I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.