I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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