first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.