whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
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Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.