dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm getting married
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...