I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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