i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
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he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin