i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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