when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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