My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Text me some of your sweat
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
