I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
