But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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