Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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