ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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