he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
