So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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