My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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