I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
