Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
