i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
