Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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