This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
