I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im holly from the hills drunk
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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