Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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