Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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