You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
operation harelip BJ is a go
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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