Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
