Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In other news, I just burned my penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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