I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
