And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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