my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
