how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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