um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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