Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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