I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
