So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
