is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
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Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
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I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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